Ravings fromthe Shell

Harold has not exactly gone, but he suddenly got a whole lot smaller. It was just after he suddenly got quite itchy. This may not be the great news it seems at face value. His friends remain, especially Brian, who it a lot darker, and quite a hard case. May also explain why my weight is dropping as quickly as it has recently, and why I am so tired for much of the time, no matter how many hours I sleep, the ache in the back, and the difficulty breathing in certain orientations. And the odd lumps, especially in my legs. It’s all quite interesting really.

I’ve been watching The Tour de France since Channel 4 started broadcasting coverage in the middle of the 1980′s. And as (almost) as certain as night follows day, did victor fail drug test. So it was no surprise at all that eventually Lance Armstrong was forced to admit to his own use of banned substances. His main justification seems to be that “they were all at it” and a look at the evidence suggests that a lot were.

However, two wrongs don’t make a right, and there are plenty of cyclists and sportsmen out there who do not rely upon banned substances to improve their performance. However, many sports people do take various dietary supplements which are not on a banned list, to improve their performance. So the question of intent: Are these “legal” supplements still “cheating”? The intent is to improve performance by taking them, it is just that one is on a banned list and the other isn’t. So how do we draw a line, ensure a “level playing field”? Ban training?

The call unanswered, not unusual. The call not returned, unusual. Cold.

The house looming at the end of the road, dark, curtains drawn back. Cold. The key not going in the lock because there’s a key on the inside. Cold. The bell rung, unanswered. Cold.

Peering though the windows. Cold. Unable to check round the back, due to the paranoid security spikes on the gate. Cold. The call to 999. Cold.

Standing while the policeman batters the door down. Cold. Waiting while the police and paramedics search. Cold. Making the identification. Cold. Going through the paperwork. Cold. Waiting for the undertaker. Cold.

Finally alone. Cold.

Ever will be the house looming at the end of the road, dark. Cold.

Some people will bang on endlessly about the right way to go walking, the right boots, the right maps and so on. These are not for them.

Herewith are the rules, refined over many miles of bimbling, quite a few of the with Keith, who also wrote most of them. Even if he doesn’t remember it. The Rules mainly refer to multi-day bimbles where you can loose track of time, forget the day-job and the “real world”, forget politicians and sundry nincompoops.

The Rules:-

1) You will set off at 10. It doesn’t matter how hard you try for an early start, it’ll be 10 before you set off. Don’t sweat it.

2) All members of the party are responsible for navigation, and are encouraged, nay obliged to raise without prejudice, any doubts about said navigation. It’s a lot easier to spend five minutes checking the map, than many hours trying to reclocate, having misplaced ones selves.

3) Lunch shall never be taken at less than 50% of the day’s distance, and preferably a lot more, say 70%. Lunch is pretty miserable if you are sitting there with you sarnie thinking “I’ve got all that to do again this afternoon”. Taking your boots off at lunch is allowed. It is good. It works. (Tested thoroughly on the Pennine Way)

4) After an ascent, don’t slow down on on the flat bits. It’s tempting to take a breather, but it is time you’ll never make up. You can’t make time up on ascents, it can be downright dangerous to try and make up time on descents, so time lost on the flat is triple time lost. You’ll get your breath back even while bimbling quickly along the flat. Trust me.

5) Beer is an essential aid to recovery in the evening.

6) Don’t forget to enjoy the bimble.

Now go and do it.